Change Yourself First: Why True Horsemanship Starts Within

We aren’t entitled to horses. We aren’t entitled to ride them, handle them however we want, or excuse harsh practices just because “that’s the way it’s always been done.”

For generations, the “cowboy way” of handling horses was built on toughness—dominate, break, and push through resistance until the horse submitted. At the time, people believed this was the only way to create a “safe” or “useful” horse. But just because something has been done for hundreds of years doesn’t mean it’s the best way forward. Tradition is not justification.

We know so much more now—about the horse’s nervous system, about how stress and fear shape behavior, about how learning and trust create lasting results. Science has caught up to what some of the kindest horsemen always suspected: horses don’t need to be broken, they need to be understood. The old cowboy way isn’t necessary anymore. Not when we have the knowledge and tools to create connection instead of compliance, softness instead of fear.

Yet, so much of the horse world is still built on entitlement—the belief that we can spur harder, pull stronger, hit, terrify, or dominate in the name of “training.” What’s more ironic is how fragile many of these approaches really are. The very people who demand toughness from horses often cannot tolerate being questioned themselves.

Horses have thinner skin than we do—literally—and yet they carry an emotional resilience that often surpasses our own. They endure misunderstanding, confusion, and pain in silence. Meanwhile, people justify their actions, insisting that calling out abuse is worse than the abuse itself.

Here’s the truth: if we want to create meaningful change in the horse world, we have to change ourselves first. We have to develop empathy, patience, and resilience in our own nervous systems before we can offer safety and softness to our horses.

If we expect horses to tolerate discomfort and “suck it up,” then we need to take a hard look at why we can’t even tolerate the discomfort of being called out, challenged, or asked to grow.

Horsemanship isn’t about proving how tough you can be. It’s about proving how willing you are to change.